I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize