His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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