there's paper in my vomit.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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