I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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