he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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