He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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