We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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