if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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