Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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