isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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