I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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