the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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