I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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