Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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