She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize