just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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