Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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