We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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