i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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