John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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