$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
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you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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