Will you blow on my dice?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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