Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize