I threw up into my coffee this morning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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