I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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