I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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