All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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