capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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