you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize