my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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