At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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