plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize