we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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