just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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