my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize