I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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