That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm passing your future prison.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
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She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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