He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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