i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
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Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize