I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize