Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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