Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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