Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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