I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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