My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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