woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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