I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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