I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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