I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
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My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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