Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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